How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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