I want to make a zoo with you.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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