I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize