I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
His hands were made for my vagina.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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