dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
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the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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