he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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