she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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