I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
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Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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