proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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