I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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