I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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