you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize