Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
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I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
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And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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