OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize