Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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