i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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