and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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