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I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
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