I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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