Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize