The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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