Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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