it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
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I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
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Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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