If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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