He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
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i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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