Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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