the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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