I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
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i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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