i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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