Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize