"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
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You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
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So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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