i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize