so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize