I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize