I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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