So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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