Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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