My liver just broke up with me...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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