lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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