Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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