We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize