this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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