i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
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I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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