Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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