i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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