So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
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I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
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TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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