M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
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Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
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Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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