It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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