as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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