Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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